Slacker Mom No More

Have you heard of slacker moms before? Ever since I saw something on TV about them, it's really rubbed me the wrong way. I remember watching the program--whatever it was--with my mother, and she asked me which camp I fell into. The depiction of alpha moms was definitely NOT me. I feel no pressure whatsoever to shuttle my kids to this activity and that, day in and day out. I do lose field-trip permission slips. My home is rarely tidy (clean from dirt, yes, tidy, no). My 17-month-old has never taken a swimming lesson, enjoyed a mommy-and-me gym class, or learned a foreign language. However, if I follow the definition laid out by USA Today, I do have some alpha mom characteristics: I am well-educated, I surf the web for solutions to household problems, I use technology to better organize our life together, and yes, my daughter gives out hand-made valentines every year. I think, however, my issue lies with the intent of these so-called alpha moms. I'm all for giving my child every opportunity, but I refuse to run myself ragged in pursuing this goal.

The term "slacker mom" is so very derogatory. If I were to identify myself as such, I would be admitting that I do not put very much care into parenting, the most important role I have ever had. Sometimes slacker moms are referred to as "good enough moms," and even that casts a shadow of under-par parenting. I picture a mother changing her baby's diaper. She tosses the soiled diaper aside, doesn't really bother with the wipes, loosely attaches the velcro tabs, and declares, "eh, good enough." She rinses off the dishes in the sink and stacks the plates that still have egg stuck on them and thinks to herself, "eh, good enough." To me THAT is a slacker mom, and that is certainly not me or my like-minded friends.

When my daughter was 4, she was invited to several birthday parties of friends. We've all heard those stories of going overboard with birthday parties, and it's true that some of these parties were wa-a-a-y over the top. However, the one I remember most was at my friend's house, although at the time we were not yet close friends, as we are now. She provided some backyard activities for the children and had made her own birthday cake. It was a simple double-layered round cake with yellow frosting, and birthday candles. The children had a wonderful time, and I was always impressed that this mother felt no need to impress the other mommies with a facade of perfection. In the 4 years since that party, I have learned about other ways that this family has opted for simpler pleasures and disdain for doing something just for appearances. It strikes me as even more impressive, since their family hob-nobs with some of the most high-powered families in the state... names you would probably know. Just the same, their family focus is on God, charity, and family, not country clubs and the latest fashions.

Lest you think that I am choosing for my family an unsocial, isolated existence, let me clarify. We seek balance in work and play. Daughter does well in school, but we do not send her to tutors hoping she will be the best. She participates in martial arts, but we do not send her to a trainer to lift weights or run laps to hone her skills. She takes piano lessons, but practice time is never a war, and we do not require perfection. Next month, students across the state will be taking the WASL, and the school has done a good job of completely stressing out the kids over it. Steve advised our panicky child, "You're eight years old. You're a kid. Despite what school people say, this test is not a big deal this year. Just do your best, and that is fine with us, we are proud of you no matter what." (Three years ago I was an official scorer of the test, so I do have some insight about its inner workings. She will do well on it.) At home, we are all about unstructured play time, family togetherness, books, and imagination. If any one of us is getting too stressed out by life, we all slow down, eat, and engage in pajama time. Sometimes this means we skip a lesson or a class. I believe in my heart of hearts that it is not early achievement that will make my children successful in life (whatever definition of "successful" you wish to use), it is a more internal structure guided by a loving family that enjoys spending lots of time together. Recent research confirms my gut instincts. As it turns out, she really does guide herself to do her very best. When she has extra energy to burn, she does as many sit-ups and push-ups (on her knuckles!) as she can do--completely unprompted by us, because Lord knows, she doesn't see daddy and mommy performing calesthenics at 8pm. We can't get her away from the piano, as she is always trying out new pieces and practicing the old ones, which leads her to more satisfying lessons.

If I am a "slacker mom" because I do not run my children hither and yon every day of the week, or because I am satisfied to play the American Girl 300 Wishes game with Daughter rather than organize my own paperwork, then so be it. I am now hoping to rename "slacker mom" with something more descriptive of why we are the way we are. The leading contender is:

COWABLE (Concerning Ourselves With A Balanced Life Evermore)

Please tell me you have a better idea!