The Interview Part I

Fellow blogger Nutmeg offered to interview me, and I accepted. She has asked me five questions, to which I will respond in segments because my brain can't sustain the concentration required for five whole questions at once. Here is today's question:

Why do you blog? What have you learned from the blogging experience?

I started blogging as a way to hold myself accountable in my writing. I have written in a journal since the earth cooled (aka the 1980's), but it ended up being a very boring and tedious recounting of activities in my life. Then Al Gore kindly invented the internet, and soon blogging took hold. I found that if I blog, I need to focus on actually having a point and practicing the discipline of saying it well. At the same time, it is not so formal that I need to stress about how I write. That is to say, I can "publish" without being perfect. Blogging is forgiving. It has taken a few years to be comfortable with the practice, and now I'm more ok with sharing my writing, so it has turned into a way of staying in touch with family and friends, although they never post comments and I don't even know if they are still reading this (ahem... DAD). I'm still nervous about letting my husband read it, strangely enough. He knows I blog, but I haven't given him the url yet. That's probably because he writes for a living.

The question of why I blog is different than why I write, but I will answer that one, too. I write because my head will explode if I don't. And a headless me would not be a pretty sight. My good skin is probably my best feature, and with no head for it to show, there aren't many redeeming qualities left. Seriously, now... The aforementioned Dad, a lifelong editor, wonderful advice-giver and all-around good guy is fond of saying "Writers write." I've read of many a famous author saying that it is a feeling of being compelled, and this is certainly true in my case. It's like trying to describe the feeling of wanting to have children. You just do. Then you go through the labor of actually writing, and the delivery of the work. Me, I choose an early epidural that is blogging. Not so painful as having to go through too much editing or agonizing.

What have I learned through blogging? Three things, mainly.

1. The blogging community is so interesting! You read other people's words, you post, they post on yours, and it is a new dimension of friendship and support. It is so cool!
2. I am learning, as per said father's coaching, that I need to write with a beginning, middle, and end. I'm still working on this one.
3. I've always said that I long to write, but I have nothing to say. I still don't have much to say, but that's ok. I've been reading authors like Annie LaMott and Elizabeth Gilbert, and am finding that their paths and their thoughts are interesting. Fascinating, even. My experience my not be that different than others, but my journey is my own, and my way of reflecting on it is good enough.

Thanks, Nutmeg, for this question. Stay tuned for Part Deux tomorrow.

It's Friday, and I'm Rambling

Today I shall bore you with loose ends. Read on...

1. The end is near! No, not the end of the world, the end of the diarrhea! Baby Boy's little body is now free of soy, and the grossness has ceased. Monday we will reintroduce soy to see if the symptoms come back. If they do, we add soy to the list of allergens.

2. As I am job hunting and getting more discouraged by the day, I'm realizing how much I've loved my 2-year stint in the publishing industry. As I told a colleague recently, doing this work was like meeting family for the first time. I'm looking at all sorts of other jobs, but nothing perks me up like publishing: sales, marketing, and especially editorial. Unfortunately, I live about as far away from the publishing center of the US (New York) as possible, and there are too few publishing jobs out here, especially in educational publishing. Here's my conclusion: THERE IS NOTHING ELSE I WANT TO DO. Nope. Nada. Nothing. I want to make books. That's it.

3. We've been thinking a lot about our daughter's education. We live in what most call a stellar school district, but she consistently brings home work WAAAAAY below her ability level. We are now almost 2 months into school and she is still reviewing work from 1st grade. Then I read Nutmeg's post today about her experience in the public schools, and am even more fired up about this issue. Daughter K says she finishes her schoolwork early and spends the rest of the time helping her peers. I endured that very fate when I was in school, and it's really a waste. I'm working on coming up with a plan to keep K engaged in learning at school, and will suggest it at Thursday's parent-teacher conference. Now, at t-minus-six days, I have no earthly idea what that plan would be. Might it be:

• Move to the family farm in North Dakota so I can afford to stay home with my children and homeschool them?
• Send "homeschool" worksheets with her to school to be completed after she does her regular work?
• Sell a kidney so I can afford to send the girl to a private school?

Warning: Grossness in this entry

Baby Boy is now on day 17 of diarrhea. Oy. There have been two "clean" days wedged in there, but otherwise, 17 delightful days of brown goo. Nay, smelly brown goo. Nay, lingering, smelly, slimey brown goo. It's so uncomfortable for him! He's been on the B.R.A.T. diet since Thursday.

An aside: I hate the name "BRAT" diet, even though it is an anachronism for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast. I just don't like that term, and I hate hearing it come out of my mouth although I am referencing the child's menu. It's the same reason I do not like those wide-eyed dolls, and won't have them in my house. OK, back to poop.

So here's the pattern: Preceding clean day #1, he had had birthday cake, then two ick days and a bread-y diet. Then a clean day. This time around, he had a clean day on Saturday, and had had no soy milk for 2 days before that. Then we reintroduced soy milk on Sunday, and whammo, a major ick day today, but worse: diarrhea plus slime. It's very possible he has an allergy to both cow's milk and soy milk. Double oy. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Will there be a time when I do not end my day with a shower to hose off the poo and throw-up? Might we sleep through the night without being woken by a shriek or wail from our precious son, only to not be able to console him because we lack the ability to reach inside his tummy and straighten things out?

What I Learned Today

Today I learned that if you give a sick 12-month-old slightly undercooked rice for lunch in his high chair, and if he chooses not to eat it, but spreads it all over the tray for effect, and if you get distracted and have to hold said lethargic baby on your lap for many hours, and do not clean it up for the whole rest of the day, it dries out and is really easy to sweep into the garbage.

Why I love my husband

Last Friday was a rough day, and it hit me with no warning. Even hurricanes give a little bit of a heads-up. I sat down to my computer in the morning, the last day in my regular position after having been laid off due to a corporate merger. Then it hit me. So I took a deep breath, thought to myself, "Oh, wow, ok. That's normal, I suppose." And moved on. Then I got an email from a soon-to-be-former customer telling me that she'll miss me, that I was great to work with, that sort of thing. After a couple more emails like that, I gave in to the tears.

Meanwhile, I have been job-hunting. There was one job that was with a Christian organization that I love, and I had three great interviews. I didn't get the job because of circumstances out of my control. I cried again. Then I sucked it up, took another deep breath (by this time I am well-oxygenated) and called Steve to let him know that this job was a no-go. He made the foolish decision to ask me how I was doing. Unfortunately, he heard my voice quiver when I answered, "I'm fine." (Why did I try to cover up my feelings and not tell him how I really was? Because the requisite pep talk to follow would have done me in, and I didn't want to open up the flood gates while he was at work.) He told me he loves me, that we would get through this together, and he'd see me later at home.

Flash back 2 months: I got the phone call that with this corporate merger, I would be "unassigned" (no job for me after Sept. 30). It was 9 am, and Steve was on his way to work half an hour away. After my phone call I called him and told him (we knew this phone call was coming, just didn't know the outcome). He turned around and drove home to hug me. It was 60 seconds that made all the difference. Then he went to work.

Back to last Friday. Around mid-afternoon, he came home! Two hours early, and with red wine and chocolate! I chatted up a storm with our usual every day banter, avoided eye contact, and scurried around the kitchen. Then he strided right through all those barriers (aka coping mechanisms) and hugged me. I cried some more, and he held me tighter.

That night, before I got ready for bed, I told him, "Today sucked." He knew I wasn't up for a pep talk. He answered, "Yeah. Today sucked." Good man.

Thank you, God, for my wonderful husband. He is just what I need.