I don't want Nana to die. I know she's not on death's door, but she's now in her 80's, and each health scare brings with it more and more serious repercussions. This last time, she was very confused, and Mom thought she had had another TIA (mini-stroke). Nope. It was a urinary tract infection, and at her age, apparently, massive confusion is another side-effect. Even a few days after she was hospitalized, she still couldn't tell us the year or the name of her ex-husband, my grandfather, the father of her 5 children and spouse of 35 years.

Nana is very competitive, and will knock your ball out of the park in croquet with no apologies. She has an acidic wit, and can cut deeply if it's directed at you. She started a preschool in Ohio that is still going strong, 50 years later. She is funny, strong, devoted, fashionable, and my nana. She was always nicer to me than to my brother, adding to my forever feeling guilty over his getting the raw end of things.

She's a complicated woman, and I love her very much. I've never lost anyone I love, which probably adds to my fear of losing her. With all the craziness, I know she loves me very much, and not just because I'm the mother of her only two great-grandchildren. Every time I see her, I feel like there is a little bit less of her here with us. One day, she'll be all the way gone.