Flesh and Bones

I am obsessed with my body. I'm not talking about the shallow, unidimensional, "do I look fat in this" sort of persona. I've grown out of the 20-something hatred of every lump and curve. I've birthed two beautiful, healthy babies--one delivery was slick and easy, the other was work like I've never known. Still, my body did it. I gained a lot of weight as a homesick teen living in France and lost it again. I broke my left leg early in my life, then my right wrist in mid-childhood, then my left wrist a few years ago, and this year my left leg snapped, too. No limb of mine has remained whole! And yet, I've recovered. The human body--my human body--is a wonder.

I am indeed still recovering from the worst of all my breaks, which occurred in April. I was getting better-better-better, through sheer determination and will, with the help of doctor-mandated physical therapy. Then it was all left to me to keep it up. And have I? No. You've heard the expression, the mind is willing but the body is weak? In my case, the body is willing but the mind is weak. With every passing day, now, I wake up creaky, and it's downhill from there. The limp is back. I ooh and aah, and not in the good way. I notice every little twinge of pain, not just in my leg. I wake up in a bad mood. I've become a wimp.

And yet, in my mind's eye, I am an active, sporty, energetic momma. I know exactly what I need to do in order to get myself back to smooth sailing. While I have great respect for this body of mine, I live in the world of thought and not action, ideas instead of activity. I do not like this about myself. It's like I'm waiting for my brain to tell my body to get up and move. I'm passive. Oh, dear. As I write this, I realize it's worse than I had thought! So here is the crux: If I do, indeed, respect my body, then that respect must translate to action. If I do not take action, I am showing real disrespect for my body and God's creation. Some who are avid exercisers sometimes talk about how using their bodies in healthy ways is like a prayer. I am sitting here wishing I could get into that mindset. I see now, though, that if I wait on "right thinking," I'll never get around to "right doing."